Find the bull

So here I am in Instanbul eating a breakfast of yogurt,granola,a type of cheese,bread and jelly and of course cucumbers. Unfortunatly I had slept the entire leg of the trip from Munich to Istanbul and in doing so I missed what would have been my dinner. So the breakfast this morning is doing what it is supposed to be doing breaking the fast. Last night I filled my lungs with smoke and my viens with water sitting outside just taking it all in. The journey here was long but this is just the begening. People get so comfortable where they are and to break that zone becomes harder and harder. I feel that travel breeds trust.
I can only think of all the people that I had to trust to make sure that I got here right now to this breakfast nook in Instanbul.
Thats a solid test on humanity of course there will be times that my trust has been taken forgranted. But to count the losses in travel is to count losses in everything else you do and you will not see the side that distributes the best experiences of your life.

So I am here on my own will. young, alive, healthy and happy.

whatever it is that drives this I am here with an open heart and an open mind.

off to see what I can see.

picture the dream

speak easy when the flock all follow the fold.
slipping to find that ground to stand
something here is worth everything of me.
it's time finally to give.

ending up with pockets full of distance
distracting the disposition between near and far.

close to the reality as the world continues to spin too fast.
images that stay need to be digested like a fan that only blows hot air in the heat.

we work against ourselves.

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No Cents At All

Blackened by the smoke and the distance still left to go
fortunate for the findings cause sometimes they come too late.
Not today.
The calm after the storm like everything is still to devastated to move. So we sit in the awkward silence of grief and disbelief.

Here now are the days that my head rests easy.

Trying to remember the words to describe a smile or that light feeling like I am the one finally laughing.

Harder than you think.............. expressing joy.

Been living off that misery I have built,
self loathing a bit of pity and a whole lot of "what the fuck"
and I wont count the days depression sets in and don't ask me about the cravings.

The sun is breaking the walls that were built in the darkness of no moon
here the heat drys any wet dreams,
no temptations to feed on.

so fuck the wine give me bottles of life.

Its all the same we find the things we can live off of
like living in the moment and dying in the result.

Ddddanger

A place temporary forever.
but solidarity helps with solitude
A known thought of welcomes worn thin.
Fragility based through her own failure to answer her instincts
but if only it was easy to take away faith.

Its pointless.

Common ground found its way to uncommon shoes
but what the hell does that really mean
I know you hate me but its not like I hide my flaws
that's a gift, the same place a curse comes from.

one in the same.

No sugar just salt

daily casualties
misconceptions break truths
when the first bullet rattles the seize fire
both sides hold blame
like two hidden aces held by different hands.

Wish I knew what you were looking for
But than again I wish I knew what I was looking for.

So many doors
all conceal prospective
judgment a human defensive when differences make the innocent insecure
A social balance
but the magnetic drive is not set to the sounds of drums but to the sounds of fading trumpets.
and we march on.

Drama will not die it breeds in the hearts of the ungrateful
determined to live on a wire
easily the past can push any back from that blinking green light.

Not better substitution than reality the only teacher that we need here.
so much of the wrong substance did i feed my brain
So we play the waiting game
with full plates and empty hearts
caged in and the spectators are the ones we share our life's with
a joyful occasion
watching souls looking for that perfect dotted line.

Sing for the bloody salvation because at nights end we go alone.
The bed might be warm the opposite side but the words are put away for a reason
The one thing about life is if we cant be safe with ourselves we are doomed
like a locked room its time too live with the noise you make.

Hate to describe the position of my politeness
but I have laid enough plots down to be guilty just by simple design
like the sign I will hold tomorrow "I have no more lemonade just my opinions".

Today

It hurts
trying so hard to do the right thing staying on a path that should be the right course
but feeling the dullness of my life now more than ever
you take away a mans vice and expect him to be the same

Maybe that is the hole that I am feeling a forever emptiness that was left by alcohol.

The still suffering

Crossroads built by my own lack of direction

sobriety producing no result