back down.

it can be just a part of that song
something you forgot
the sad line that makes it all worth while
or her smile in the dark
a light to keep shining
a hope to hold
something to follow for a while
it all gets tired so its useless.

tried and true but i still lie to the worst parts of you
they said ill loose my wants
never did i think though that i would need to forgive you
maybe forget that's easy enough,

i know how to replace addictions
so quitting comes slow
when nothing is faced.
try to greet the sun
and place down the moon shine.

i cry for the times i was wrong
calming the mind
is no easy task when there is no more room in the grave
who comes the closest
when her flesh will bleed at the slightest grasp
gripping to give but letting go to live
nothing so simple as that fading rainbow

never experienced uselessness
like being in that chair and watching my hands shake away everything.
hand full of pills and a mind full of a broken life
always a need for a fix just no need to repare or replace it

the bottom is rock
underneath that
its White walls and
florescent lights
vomit and sweaty piss.
half smoked cigarettes
sleepless nights and screams i
just pretend aren't mine
so if i die before I'm old
hold fast any ground you find that's true.

dont forget

these attractions are taking us over falling to the desires
and we dont help the home team anymore
worse we all expected it to be easier
we learned to complain before we learned to commit
so quitting was always an option.

no one ever said that building convictions the hard way was the wrong way.


But in the silence there is listening so shhhh

the sound of your own life its deffening you
you ignore it and drown it down through any noise,
I was forced to listen
some times there is no escaping the situation
so if you ever get to smile
let me know

man made

I'm laying low
no need to speak all actions have sounds
so my head rests in my hands
my nerves are shot again
but i learned not to complain
i like my problems only in the way that they are mine.

fake it till you fix it
better than till you make it
who does anymore anyway.

just a thousands steps away from taking the first
tucked away and your missing your moment
thick with the decisions but you look a little sick
like this heat doesn't bother you
but we are still standing here
who see you through
not me.

no game is fair
upon the board lay down true intentions
and you'll see with your own too that the threat is more than a win or loss.
inside we keep these crosses self made but strong enough that we rely on its weight
I stopped praying along time ago, but guilty of looking towards the sky and asking for understanding.
not just another one of those mother fuckers.
my talents begin with my giving everything i have
my fault is I am too aware when I'm loosing my grip.
forget the balance just over do it all
live in the consequences die in your own results


walls in the head,
pen and page
I'm talking everyone of you.

have yours

the chances don't come often
funny the understanding of a moment only comes after you've left it.
I am laughing because I don't turn right
survival mode.
no matter whats behind.

We all want to grow
come to some understandings.
but the girl
her thoughts about happiness
keep her away from
what really needs to be held
and its shrinking away at her feet.

so stay focused and be aware of whats in front of your shoes.
Thinking to much is like drinking to much its dangerous.
so the liver is clean he sobered up
but cant shut that mind off
just learning to live.

Does one understand happiness if they don't leave it. just once.
as you wouldn't understand pain until you've felt it in your  bones as they break.
from the California beaches to the mesas of New Mexico. just remember when it pours it rains.

check out

just trying to write
nothing in store for you but as the majority trys
the rest just fail into the endless gardens that don't produce.
no harvest
no bounty
so your labors fall to dry seeds
broken hands and a heart that doesn't know thanks.
i cant stay to focus my energy to the people that just take.
people will break before the system does.

get paid just enough to stay
work hard enough to not get fired
the balance
it haunts my dreams and fills my sleep
with twisted sheets and cold sweats
thoughts of a batter yesterday and a worse tomorrow.
you limited the limits as most don't come back from that line
once its crossed.

I keep my hands still, no gesture signed here.
someone gets the best of my love
and i cant keep smiles on all these faces
so dreams fail us in the quite nights

turn the lights

long and dry
most nights
miss sleeping in the grass so the sand works for now
im just a stranger
maybe a face youll see no longer
but we all look for that golden shore
so we keep movement
as something to move towards
one day it will be all new
just words creating another gap in the balance
seems to be always one sided
no matter the burden I have dropped
sure as the y in tomorrow
ill pick up another to carry.

so we are now used to seeing things get habitual
like
a heart beat.
the burns are hard to avoid
especially when you light fires everywehere you go
a pocket full of half smoked cigarettes and
a lot of forgotten thoughts ashed out.
right now its pain and desires
but
work is no an anchor as it seems the only thing i can hold
as fucked up as it is.

so i shift between
my hands,
my heart,
my head.
cant please them all.

deliver me

this is not OK but what about her unspoken anvils
heavy hearts
like her feeling something else than the sexual desires of strangers
its always the same thing.
A repetition.
so,
it has to end this way
while its still fresh with the warmth of life
what is death if it is not fresh.
soon this will be grey and cold and slowly forgotten piece by piece detail by noise.
but the frustration of spitting when i try to cough out the words i mean to say keeps me shaking as the moment is gone and the experience forgotten like the kites hung twisted on the wires melting in the heat of time.
we don't get to be better in the past
and all we do is invite walls into this wide open space.