flux

time and this is my escape
cant sit with self now
and the days are counting
when its been not ok
perfection in the snow
no traces of human destruction
this is not my place
not a saving grace and far from your
prophet
your poet
your lover and friend
rather hide under my house
a death alone
keep me sainted in the way it all just gets forgotten
a mouth full of hell
the shingles are all off
and the fires smoke just wants to stay inside
no fans to blow and
this is the first winter
to survive in along time
tearing the dreams from my skin
and replacing them with scars of a forgotten youth
like paths no longer visible
somethings just go away
like there love
not greed but blood dries and this ground is thirsty
a part of everything that we once were
floating and always thinking that next wall is the oasis waiting.
call me will go taste the tears together

chipped

led by now who knows will see
led to see something far away from the
deasert
like the skys here hold something different in the air
less breath
less human content
so whats the matter
with wanting to be an anchor tied to land
like the quick sand never came
i still dig my wholes and build castles out of air
someday ill rest my head
and bury all my apprehension under ground
i did pack my shit up too come home
so I'm stuck in the same way i thought being away was a fuck up now I'm here
with the wonders and crooks
went to bed today in a really simple way
just in no cause and friction over these frozen streets
hard to find like good dirt and something to grow
a harvest and a way of life
no work no true religion
a place that is mine but not proud of it.

warm for you

theses bones rattle in this cold
everyone i left behind
held a place
a certain grace but mistakes i could not face
no taste for the stale life
but i live
I will die it
no good deaths anymore
and all these eyes lie
don't tell me mine hold truth
i know more than you
behind these hazel eyes
is pain and addiction
a dream to drowned
a nightmare to live
and plenty of smile to give
that's the easy thing
the hard part is the reciprocation
like here just take it all
no goodbyes just good luck
and the last thing you should know
is i walk fast
a back turned and used to those knifes
so go ahead
let loose
see how it feels you'll probably just be more confused
cant kill the dead
but you can frame me instead
the perfect crime
living in a 12 step line
and eleven being nothing but lies
every night the smoke is accepted as breath
and the shit passes as substance
thanks for the belly full

Thanks

i don't know where to go
show me how it used to be
even with the booze
a remorse
but the offerings are always petty
and on a five finger discount
darkness will always come
through my eyes closed tight
please don't assume that i will always love you
undress my skin
and frame the insides for a day worth dying for
wishes and no return
let it out
nothing came back
a return
so now again i run from my own home
pushed aside and no thumbs to stick out
who'd give me a ride
the devil
Ive taken a few before
know how that ends
civil and sainted
with goodbyes and a list of addictions
for this heart of mine
thanks man of death
no flame
no lit way
prey turned to praying and and open invitation
to fail
to quit
to smolder away
to the ashes
all i have that is mine
a pocket of used matches and one last cigarette

Homeland

Tragic no magic to tackle the

Relenting tactics of your enemy

Razor sharp and a wit not held down by a vice

Vicious in their vision

World control

Food for the rich and trash the poor

No wings for the wax no honey for the work

Their light is relentless

Blinding and no room for forgiveness

its just another word

Like duct tape

And a security for home

Home is not a land how can I claim something that I did not steal

Still its all just fragments

So low down

 Keep the motives hidden

so I lack trust when it comes to friends

And this mess I always find myself in

There is only one face to blame.

Bread and butter on a silver plate

Rather eat off the floor

So head turns away from gifts

nothing truly given.

More pleasure in pain than an easy existence

Hold my heart

No category to put me in.

I don’t need to fit in.

But my exists seemed to fit the doors of everyone else

And again I'm failing the only one that maters.

Giving up

But not the end 

a beginning I hope

Hurt in the way she still wants to see my smile

Broken in the way people are taking when I'm not open

Cash in hand empty pockets and a book that’s already been read

Roll the cigarette not the film

This is not for the masses.

Cant tell the friends these days

Shedding skin as I run and kill till its dead

Not looking for love

Hearts to break amends to make

Fate to escape

And a life worth living

Not leaving.

No eyes in the back of my head

But Ive been blinded

Heavy hearts over cleansed hands

an unforgettable mission

Escapism and self rebellion

Inside work needs to be done.

Out there it is the picture painted by half truth and first steps never taken

There was a smile one day and it was nice but beyond that

Nothing ever gets done.

a purple sky

the snow falls silently

tonight

there is a cover

from the head,

the weakness that plagues the heart

black and cold

a rattle to shake but no audience to stir

a key to hold

for a door with no lock

luck but nothing to throw it against

and its still

the way the world should be.

my breathing is shallow

and the fingertips are fading

to much pressure

give them something to hold

a knife

a pen

a heart

id kiss the sky if it would let me

someone just needs to let me in

mostly self and the walls get stronger each day

inches in the snow and hours are my enemy

i was told i had no time,

so i needed to take it

like the shit you gave

the money and the material

the maternal overbearing

the losses and the screams

built for a different day

not a better one.

maybe a better way to die

turn the snow red

freeze in the moment

focus on the last drifting flake

a gentle kiss from the sky as 

my eyes close and

the goodbyes need not be said

it will all be gone tomorrow.

the red and the white.

the yellow and the brown

the mistakes wont

the regret wont

she will be

i wont.

back down.

it can be just a part of that song
something you forgot
the sad line that makes it all worth while
or her smile in the dark
a light to keep shining
a hope to hold
something to follow for a while
it all gets tired so its useless.

tried and true but i still lie to the worst parts of you
they said ill loose my wants
never did i think though that i would need to forgive you
maybe forget that's easy enough,

i know how to replace addictions
so quitting comes slow
when nothing is faced.
try to greet the sun
and place down the moon shine.

i cry for the times i was wrong
calming the mind
is no easy task when there is no more room in the grave
who comes the closest
when her flesh will bleed at the slightest grasp
gripping to give but letting go to live
nothing so simple as that fading rainbow

never experienced uselessness
like being in that chair and watching my hands shake away everything.
hand full of pills and a mind full of a broken life
always a need for a fix just no need to repare or replace it

the bottom is rock
underneath that
its White walls and
florescent lights
vomit and sweaty piss.
half smoked cigarettes
sleepless nights and screams i
just pretend aren't mine
so if i die before I'm old
hold fast any ground you find that's true.