The beat

Equal
the divide when the situations
separate innocence and the speak easy greed.

But how quick does the mold form,
been working on my own,
hopefully when the last missing piece is found I will understand.
like a bad game of pictionary,
some how I got it.
Finally.

But thats the point
the hour glass tips
so lets,
spill the sand.

Hold your own ground.

Istanbul

Some shots from the time I spent in that amazing place.

how you keeping score

I can feel it
as my shadow runs with me
that we are leaving it far behind,


The weight of investing in things that break to easy,
like people,
has trickled out the hole in my  pocket
and right now I don't have any room for the fake.


So I take my bread and count my scars elsewhere
because some just want it all,
I have to now disagree,
and force you to not be lonely with out me.

I as in me

I broke my shoulders
than I let them heal to make them stronger.

I shattered my heart, just to see how it felt,
picked the pieces up and placed them on my sleeve,
like a warning I wear it.
Beware I lived like an addiction.

I blurred my vision,
so when it came time for insight
I knew the way I needed to see.
Straight.

I let my blood hit the floor,
to understand sacrafice,
to see what loyalty looks like.

I followed,
just to see where they where going.
Saw it than turned around and ran.

If we are all going no where I want to go my own way.

I trusted to know pain,

I wasted myself to feel my brain bleed,

I drank because I had too.

I know what it means to scream.

I lead because I wont settle.

I put scars on my hands
to understand labor pains,

I rode a skateboard,
to fall in love.

I write because I have too.

I smile,
because I know my escape.

I smoke to settle the nerves.

I make friends so the people that I do things for are not always strangers.
and the people that do things for me are not always strangers.

I forgive because it was myself that needed it.

I forgot because somethings I just cant remember.

I cook because it brings people together.

I read to help me listen.

I love you because it quiet's my cravings.

One up but six ways down

Floating on,
passing the scene
as I become just another face that will never be seen again.

Have a nice life.

I feel I am making the most.

I know the cost, I just cant make it anymore obvious that I am willing to pay.
like the first in line yesterday,
I will be here expecting only the unexpected,
and excepting nothing more than what my hands can build.

We can work the opposite path too,
I know the ways,
but in this nothing stays,
a place most wont come back from and
with those same hands,
slowly take apart life from the inside.

But in my head
in my heart,
in my soul
That was my limit.
The whole point of that,
was to get me here.

So I am going to stay,
For a better place,
for a better way to fall.

I got lucky more than once,
So I like to think now about the self destruction
and digest a piece of hell, as I remember it.

I know where my destination is

Please,
bring me to the places that people no longer consume,
like a hidden life
away from the blades and microscopes.

Take me away from the days that have been made a joke.

City,
after city,
hord after way to many faces,
the time to turn has come and now I look home for the light.

Another border

No air moving tonight,

the clouds glow in the pale moon light

and stale smoke fills the room.

Chances to grow,

left to roam,

just to see how well I can do on my own.

The best part about this is there is an end somewhere.

So I want to spend my time living and laughing,

falling and crashing,

getting up,

because the Sun also rises.

lets face the days and fill them not with mediocrity,

but with unknown's, that make us flourish. 

New Mexican Beauty Queen

She dances like the candel light,
tonight she is in my mind,
like I know I will stay sober,
but its not over.

She is far but I can turn around a find that cold road home,
holding a black rose
hoping,
we can continue
to laugh at the rest of the world.

No dick in the sand,
cant say fuck the world.
I have a girl,

somehow played my cards right
but its more like I fell in her lap,

like the broken soul that I was
she helped put back the pieces,
letting me be me along the way.

It was consequence that fate found us

was no road that led,
no book to be read
no fortune needed

Just two, two many drinks
a dedication to survival,
and a hope that there was life after that.

Covered in turquoise,
and purple silk she calls my name,
expecting nothing more than what I already am.

The scars on my hands are testament of my holding on,
but I will let them burn before I let her go,
somethings are just worth holding on to.

This is no material love
this is not for bubble gum and cats with no mouth,
this is for all the opportunity to shine.

Street Walker

So many eyes meet

keep my own straight and fast 

people become obstacles,

time to make it past,

no sympathy for the careless,

tie the shoelaces

to arrive carefully

than cut the losses.

picture perfect.

The silence is shaping up

nothing to soften the blow,

So,

you said that you would, 

you could

but you wont,

so you don't

and now you cope in the wrong ways.

We cant kill the silence when its comfortable

magically we learn to build up off of broken foundations

like its too soon to start the retreat.

A pigeon girl

Such a timid love,

a false understanding of what feeling is,

like cutting your wrist because its what the cool kids do,

go find something original.

Break your heart first than tell me about love.

Do you understand that line?

Such a young soul

a surface survivor,

your time is spent collecting what comes up from under you,

you speak words

but that is all the are,

for you lack the history 

and you wont stay convicted.

How am I to believe you have depth

you say you know the darkness,

But child dusk is not the dark,

live a year sober before you talk to me about sacrafice

I am sure you have problems sleeping, I would too if I was you.

You need to learn to loose before you can play the game too win,

see some bottoms and stay there a while,

watch some dreams slowly slip from your fingertips

before you say this life is hard.

Stop trying to relate too me,

Its I that comes down to your level remember that.

No poet to me,

I got it,

dig six feet deep put one foot in that hole  and see how high you can stand,

from there,

rely on a substance to get you through the day,

than talk to me about faith and  god.

See your loosing your painted colors nothing true here.

Flesh

Ready,
not like yesterday.
But flushed with time as it starts to escape.
I watch it leave me.

So I am ready like tomorrow,
because todays my chance,
to escape the visions of seeing those bottoms.

Sometimes weariness can break bones,
but the mind builds hope strong enough to crush the fear your heart created.

So its a time bomb
Place that plot to create the real meaning of existence,
bring those collisions that wake us up.

Sister

How long have you been standing next to me

Have you been there this whole time?

You have!

Well why is it that you are standing next to me and not me next to you.

I thank you for never leaving me, never loosing sight of my hand.

What would I do with out you?

Some dark places, we share in that as well like breaking bread that cant be eaten.

But such in this passage of time I suddenly followed the signs and I came to you.

Like this whole journey was just to realize that I will always be coming back home to you.

From the heaven I have had to the hell you've been through.

I am better than I was before, 

sorry for what I have done,

for if I ever hurt you, let you down, 

It was not meant to break you.

and I will never again let you down!

You are stronger than I could ever be,

Like a brand new friend I have the will to show you

how important you are too me,

It will be me standing next to you

and when I have held your hand long enough

when the sweat and lack of blood becomes too much

We will finally stand together holding each others hands

like look ma! 

Look what I have found.

I want you to meet this amazing person I have fell in love with................

Oh wait you know her, she's your daughter and she is my sister and you are the mother.

We are each others so lets just all smile and laugh at how beautiful this family is.

Come on into this circle of love dad.

Autumn you are comfort by my side.

A man with a name but his horse was on wheels

Roam,
because you must.
There is not a way from this
for you.

I know you have curtains,
like all the rest of us.
But at some point you thought the show was over and
you tied those curtains closed.

The knot is strong and it makes no sense.

So find a way to open those curtains,
the show must go on
and we are all your audience.

This audience has no room for judgement
remember we are scared that you might judge us.

So we see eye to eye
both you and me.
We are humans.
Heart and hands, shit and laughter.
Blood and lungs.

People do judge and for this I am sorry,
Its what they do not understand that gets punished.
So remember to keep your mind open,
your heart brave and your wheels turning.

I am with you along the way,
remember balance,
Its the essence of life, of the world that you see.
Up or down.

You are the star in this balancing act, this tight rope walker, you,
You the rider of the world.........

I say come home when you have seen enough.

I say don't ever stop.

I say I know how to ride a bike too,

I say to you please write, write, write, write.

I say salvation.

I say if you cannot understand your photos
shoot one of yourself because I doubt that you will understand that one as well.

and that is OK.

That is the point. Understand that you don't understand.

Than continue,

So shoot, capture the moments because Leigh you will never be where you are again.

Peace be with you my friend

safe travels.

GSNM

Bring the movement
make me sore
make my feet ache
lets put holes in the bottom of our shoes together.

Feed my stomach,
but first feed my soul.

Show me what you are willing to expose
and I will soak it all in,
for your beauty is unmatched
and only a fool would turn away from you.

The muscles in my face hurt,
learning to smile alone takes only patience.

I am not the most patient man but I have learned to wait.

No easy task,
was not meant to be.

Its the definition of our backbones, life will create strong shoulders, or it will crush them.
I am under this weight and I am holding strong.

Give Strength New Meaning.

Please

Progression, we must move forward as the new area of definition comes. It is not what we were or what we have done this is about who we are becoming. Its what we are doing that should define us for I will not judge you from the halls you have come from but I will measure you for the distance that you are willing to go. Walk with me because I am ready to take the next step.

Strong Hands

The city below calls to me,
as the hot air from my breathe can be seen rising in the cool German air,
here in this land great destruction was born.
As I ponder the remains of this,
I can only see the work of time as it eventually will heal everything.

We have to give time...time.

Alone

Its a thing that I do spend time alone, thinking wondering about life, my actions the opposite and equal sides of both left and right, but I find that wanting to change the past leaves no room for the life that you now live, for I would not change a thing. It is nice to feel that I have overcome the darker days, for even now as I am alone they have not come to visit and I have not been expecting them nor am I  in waiting.  Change its the substance or our realities a fast pace movement that we must accept. So as I travel through Europe I find that I can escape to my mind to digest what I see, what I hear, what I taste and appreciate my own definition as the world comes to me, do you ever wonder if this is all for you?
It feels like it.
 I am sitting in a room that is a welcome luxury and a quite nights rest and a warm shower and a bed that below it is not a drunk Irish man or a dorm fool of football fans who came in late to only wake the entire hostel up wit their celebration songs. This is life and I love it for every instant makes who we are who we become.

I have stories that will be with me forever and I have been on this journey only a week.

I also know that I Write to the page it is my resting place, I have turned to this since I my heart was bleeding for the escape, I only want to say if it be seen by the eyes it is meant for I appreciate all of you who are in my life as of now for each of you make my life rich, full of love and laughter.

Today I live for this and only this.

Friends and family. I love all of you.

Heading for the Rails.

The awareness of time as the sun light starts to creep in.

The foul odors float around as sheep in the night call to their shepards.

Fast approaching the time to move,

more life to live in four days than some will see in fifty years.

I know the distance.

We all manage the microscopic images that we call our dreams

by making moves to the normal realities,

So much to prove 

Money will never by time

But the window frames the outside world keeping us at bay

thats why they call it window pains.

u of s of a

I understand the importance more and more of the place that I come from, it takes going away to appreciate the things you have. It is a sad trick that we must play on ourselves but I know that it is better to know and find out what really is important than to always be taking for granted the way we live and love in the states. I assume to know nothing now except for what already exsists in my heart. There things are safe. Its a sacred place. This is about finding the appreciation for what I have for who I have and for who I am.
We have it so good. Don't we?!

A pest in the city of Buda

A new place

Budapest. I am here in the warming hours of the morning thinking of where I am and what it is that I must do for myself here.  As the non stop second hand smoke continues to creep in from outside.  It seems to never stop and the poor ventelation is the only answer for the heat and dryness on the inside where my bed lays. So its a sacrafice, shut it all down so the smoke wont crawl in or deal with it because for me, the heat is not meant to be slept in.  Hostels are a place where humans are forced to close contact with strangers this is when a fart, a cough, a zipper, a language not known to wanting ears can easily scratch at the little patience that you have. But they are cheap and they teach that not all the world can travel in luxury and most of the world cant travel at all so I am thankfull for the roof I have, the toilet, the bed and the shower.Traveling and staying in hostels has forced my own needs to the forfront of how my day moves. I can say that I will knock the back of your seat if you smash into my kness, I can say if you were loud when you came in drunk from the night, I will be loud in the morning as I get my thoughts and things together. I can say that if you smile I will smile. I can say that if you want to talk to me I will talk to you. I can say that if you show compassion I will share in this with you. I can say that I will eat what you put on my plate with out hesitation. I can say that I will make mistakes....over and over. I can say that I will laugh at myself so please laugh with me. I can say that I will forever watch my back so do not think you can take advantage. the one thing that I will say is that this is the world that we live in we are all a part of this whole, I am here cutting through it finding the pieces that catch my heart and eyes and I am putting those aside until I am ready to share all of of it with you.

So lets be patient beacuse at some point we are all patients.

I cant even start to put Istanbul in words, let alone Turkey or the people the inhabit this special place. I have been welcomed by fellow travelers as well as locals, here I feel very comfortable. This is a hard place to leave and I have only been here three nights. In the days that I did have I reached peaks that continue to come.

Find the bull

So here I am in Instanbul eating a breakfast of yogurt,granola,a type of cheese,bread and jelly and of course cucumbers. Unfortunatly I had slept the entire leg of the trip from Munich to Istanbul and in doing so I missed what would have been my dinner. So the breakfast this morning is doing what it is supposed to be doing breaking the fast. Last night I filled my lungs with smoke and my viens with water sitting outside just taking it all in. The journey here was long but this is just the begening. People get so comfortable where they are and to break that zone becomes harder and harder. I feel that travel breeds trust.
I can only think of all the people that I had to trust to make sure that I got here right now to this breakfast nook in Instanbul.
Thats a solid test on humanity of course there will be times that my trust has been taken forgranted. But to count the losses in travel is to count losses in everything else you do and you will not see the side that distributes the best experiences of your life.

So I am here on my own will. young, alive, healthy and happy.

whatever it is that drives this I am here with an open heart and an open mind.

off to see what I can see.